Monday, December 19, 2011

The Ensucklopedia

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Beavis and Butthead Ensucklopedia





About the Authors


Butthead by Beavis.


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Hes pretty cool. He hangs out a lot and watches TV. Or else he cruises for chicks. You know, he just keeps changing the channels and when a hot chick comes on hell check out her thingies. Its pretty cool. Hey, check this out. The pen is mightier than the sword. Wait. Wait. The penis mightier than the sword. Thats what I got, heh heh heh m heh. Writings cool!


Beavis by Butthead.


Hes a poet, a story-teller, a wuss, a fartknocker, a dillweed, a doorstop and a paperweight. Huh huh, and hes a dumbass. Plus hes a real wuss. Hes never gotten any. He lives at home with no wife and no kids. Just his pet monkey, huh huh. Beavis has won many awards, including my foot kicking his ass and my fist in his face. Even though I let him hang out with me, it doesnt mean Im interested in dude, or anything. Mostly I just keep him around so Ill look even more studly around chicks. Compared to him. Beavis, I mean.


Pronunsiashun Guide


Ass Ass


Asswipe Asswipe


Uh, anything in spanish Hamana Por Queno Salsa, Please


Dillweed Dillhole


Butt But. The second T is silent


But deadly, huh huh.


Drive Through Please Riperuebleev


6 Like its spelled


The F word Fart


The S word Sucks


Boob If you have to ask, youll never


Know


Vulva Uh, thats some science word,


I guess. Ask Daria.


Weiner Penis, heh heh heh.


Beavis Rhymes with Weiner


Hooter See Boob. See two of them if you


can. (But, seriously, pronunciate


it Thingies around chicks)


Anatomy Section


The Human Butt, by Butthead


The butt is the most important part of the body. Thats how come the butt rules. God gave us the butt so that we could, like, have something to talk about. The first butt was invented like, a long time ago by the same guy that invented the toilet. The butt has a crack in it, huh huh huh huh. God put a crack in our butts so that we might have two butt cheeks instead of one. Some animals like fish dont have butts. Thats why they suck. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, theres also your butthole. Its like, in the middle. I could write a whole book about the butthole.


How the Butt Works


Inside your butt theres all this complicated stuff that like, makes turds happen. Theres all these tubes and stuff. Then the turds come out of your butt, huh huh. (See also Turds)


Make Your Own Butt


You can make your own butt at home. You get two things that are like, round and then you like, putem together. Huh huh huh. It looks like a butt. Clay works pretty good. You can also make a face out of your butt by drawing eyes on one of your buttcheeks and then lying down sideways. Oh yeah, you have to pull down your pants first. You can make a butt out of your face by drawing a big crack down the middle, huh huh. Then like instead of cheeks you have butt cheeks. (See also Turds, Making your own; Playdough, Fun with)


Other Stuff to Call Your Butt


The best thing to call your butt is your butt, but some people like to call it other stuff like ass and rear and stuff. When Beavis was little, every week after he took a dump his mom used to say, Arent you glad to get that out of your system? So sometimes we call your butt your system, huh huh. Like, Check it out. You can see her system, huh huh huh.


The Nads, By Beavis


The Nads are cool. I like to talk about Nads. Nads. Nads. Nads! Inside your Nads theres all these like, molecules and stuff that cause all these complicated chemicals to make your weiner gets big when you see a chick. Thats how come when they chop off a horses Nads, it turns into a wuss. Sometimes I get a boner when I watch Baywatch. Chemicals are cool!


The Mucous Membranes


This is part of your brain that makes you remember mucuous. Mucuous membranes are really important cause if you didnt haveem youd like; forget to pick your nose. Thats when you go, like, insane in the membrane or something.


The Ferbical and Clobules


Theyre these things in your Nads that make it hurt when someone kicks you in the Nads. They also make your Nads itch. Sometimes they crawl up into your butt and make your butt itch. Having your butt itch sucks, but I like scratching my butt when it itches. Its the damnest thing. (See also The Human Butt)


The Kermodial Buttnoids


The glands that make your butt stink.


The Virginia


Uuuhh...Huh huh huh huh. We dont know much about this.


Creation (The Story Of)


A long time ago, like during those Giraffe Park Times, there was this dude, God, and he was, like, really big, and like, everywhere, but nobody could see him, cause he was like indivisible or something. So he could, like, go in chicks locker rooms undetective, except there were no chicks or locker rooms or anything else. There. So he said, This sucks. Then he said, Let there be stuff. And like there was the Earth and stuff.


And God thought the Earth was pretty cool, but still no naked chicks, so he made one. And a naked dude, too. And they, like, did it a bunch of times, and they gave birth to all the people in the world (scientists call this the Big Bang Theory). But they didnt have enough money to take care of them all, so their kids had to, like, go to other countries to find jobs and stuff. But by then monkeys had learned to use power tools so like they had to compete with them for jobs and it was hard. Huh huh. Hard. So they did it some more.


China


(Fortune Cookies)


· Beavis is like Chinese food. Huh huh! One hour after he spanks his monkey, hes ready again.


No way, its more like 10 minutes. Heh heh.


· Huh huh, how did you like the Sum Yung Gai”?


Yeah, heh-heh, how about the Turd Fried Rice”?


· You have mastered the technique of holding you own chopstick, Grasshopper. Huh huh huh, mastered!


· Parts of this fortune cookie have been recycled by Beavis.


· You will meet a stud named Butthead. You will give yourself to him. Uh, if youre a chick, that is.


· The journey of 1,000 miles starts in my pants.


· Confucius says youre a wuss.


· Uh, huh huh. These fortunes cookies remind me of a picture I saw once in a magazine.


Yeah, heh heh. Restaurant supply catalogs are cool!


· You broke my cookie, fartknocker! Now Im gonna kick your ass.


· We took a dump in your food.


Yeah, heh heh. Poo-poo platter!


· You will soon spill your, uh, Hot and sour soup, huh huh, but you will only spill it on yourself.


· Uh, if your name is Beavis, youre never gonna do it.


Shut up, butt-brain.


· Turn this piece of paper over for a drawing of Beaviss weiner. Akshual size. Huh huh huh.


· Uh, huh huh, you suck.


Chicks


Theres this joke, huh huh, about what the perfect chick look like. Its probly pretty funny. But like, this page is more like a scientific guide and stuff than a joke. And so you can get like the most exact idea of what a perfect chick is.


Head - Like, a perfect chick should have like a really hot face, but like, dont worry about it cause thats like the least important part of any chick cause like you can always wear a bag on your head, huh huh. But like, in the head area, its better if a chick has a perfect face than like, a perfect brain? Cause then she starts thinking stuff and saying junk like, Quit looking at my thingies. If a chick starts talking a bunch a crap like that, its like a sign she might not be perfect.


Thingies - A chick should have really big thingies, but not so big that its like sick or something. Actually that would be OK. But at least make sure theyre attached to a chick, and not like the thingies that fat dudes have at the beach. One time Beavis tried to cop a feel off a fat dude at the beach and like, the dude kicked the crap out of him. Huh huh. He was fast for a fat dude.


Hips and Butt-Al Area - Like, a chick should be curvy here. If you ask yourself, uh, is she curvy enough? And you cant decide the answer, think of like one a those glass things with sand in it thats sposed to keep time. I think its called a sand watch or something. Except put eyes and like hair on the top, and like skin instead of glass, and like blood and intestines and crap instead of sand. If the chick youre looking at kind of looks like that, and she hasnt like called the cops yet or anything, then you can say, Nice butt, huh huh and really mean it. Chicks like it when you say stuff like that and youre not lying. Its called sincereness.


Legs - Legs have to be good-shaped, and like, long. But if the chick is short, and her legs cant be long, then thats OK too, as long as theyre good-shaped. Also, she should shave them, but like, were talking about women anyway, and not like a college chick who walks around with like hairy legs and books and stuff.


Shoes - We almost forgot clothes so were gonna talk about it here. But since this is like the perfect woman, were gonna forget the clothes after all. Huh huh huh huh.


So like, thats the perfect woman. If youre going like, Whoa, what about other stuff, like personality or something, dont be, cause in our scientific opinion as dudes, a chick only gets a personality if shes uh, unperfect, just like the way a dude who cant kick peoples asses will like do homework and stuff. Its called everlotion or something.


Concerts


1. Stage. This is the place where, like, it all happens or something. Like, that fat dude in crowbar comes up to the front here, and squats down and starts groaning. Thats when its like, magic time or whatever.


. Speakers. This is what the music shoots out of. Its like, theres two kinds of music loud and sucky. You never hear sucky music at concerts, unless you got ripped off, or its, uh, jazz or something. Loud music shoots out into the air and right into your brain, huh huh. And like, everything shakes and stuff, even your brain. Your whole bodys shaking and vibrating and whatever, and its like that saying of how you cant even hear yourself think. But its like, so what. Thinkings a pain in the ass anyway. Huh huh. Ass. Plus Beavis likes it cause he cant hear any of the other dudes who live in his head either.


. Security Guards. Theres all these dudes here in front of the stage who like talk to each other with walkie-talkies and stuff. Theyre like, uh, striker unit , we got a situation in baker sector, over. Huh huh. Get the hell back from the stage dammit or Ill split your head like a Halloween pumpkin. These dudes would be just normal asswipes except that they go to more concerts than anybody. So that makes them a little higher than just normal asswipes.


4. Backstage. Member how I said it all happens on the stage? Uh, well, like some other stuff happens over here, backstage. They have food, and beers, unless its one a those bands that had to bust themselves cause they got messed up on beers and stuff. They have slushies or something, I guess. And this is where Ozzy keeps all the animals and stuff that hes gonna bite the heads off of during the show. And like, this is where all the uh, huh huh, chicks leave their boyfriends before getting on the band bus so they can do it. Uh you cant see the bus on the picture cause uh, I think the driver went over to the hunky dinky to pick up some coleslaw or something. For the chicks.


5. Light Board. Theres this big table thing at the back here and its got all these knobs on it and crap, and like, a bunch a wires in it. It controls all the lectricity and stuff. And theres this big fat dude who sits there and like, doesnt even listen to music hardly, he just messes with the knobs and tells people hes gonna come down and kick their ass if they dont quit leaning against the board. Huh huh. I think hes, uh, scared cause of the lectricity. But its like Beavis took a whiz on some lectrical wires one time and it just like, turned his weiner black for a couple of weeks.


6. Mosh Pit. This place rocks. Its like, people hitting you and pushing you and jumping on your neck and kicking your face and hitting your head with their knees and knocking you on the ground and stomping on your Nads and falling on top of you and elbowing your chest and stuff. Its like a big, cool family.


7. Tee-Shirt Sellers. If I was smart, Id like go down to the St. Vincent of Paul and buy all the old used Tee-shirts for about a penny and then like write GWAR on them and sell them at a GWAR concert for 50 bucks. Huh huh. Its a total ripoff and stuff. Good thing Im not smart or Id probly be ripping you off right now.


8. Beach Ball. Before the concert, people are like, we have nervous energy or something, we need to be zapped by high-intensity sound. Or theyre like, the opening act sucks. So they throw a beach ball around sometimes, or one a those frisbees or a glow stick. One time Beavis tried to get people to throw around this flat empty coffee can he picked up off the highway. I guess they were like, too excited cause, like, nobody threw it back after we chucked it real hard into the pit. It was still a pretty good idea. For Beavis.


. Dancing Chicks. Theres usually a chick right over here who like sways back and forth and spins around like shes listening to different music from what everybody else is. Listening to. And then you go over and go like, hey baby. And she keeps dancing and stuff and acting like youre not even there. And then you go, lets get it on, fox. And she keeps dancing. And then youre like, okay, forget you. Theres other chicks in the sea.


10. Stain. Usually theres a stain over here. And your feet stick on it. It could be like, somebodys drink, or like a dead animal. In the end, you never find out what it is, and you stop thinking about it. But when you were thinking about it, it was cool.


Self-Defense


Um, like, getting your ass kicked all the time sucks, heh heh. Its like, you gotta teach your ass to kick back. You gotta learn to self-defend yourself. Heh heh. Thats what Im gonna teach you how to do. And like, you gotta do everything I say because Im not always gonna be around to haul your ass into the fire or whatever. Heh heh.


The Basic Stance


Um, first, you gotta learn the right way to stand. Stand like this, with two feet on the ground. Thats like, the best way to stand. Its easy, and um, pretty comferbal. Plus, if you have to like fall down or something, youre already standing up, so youre in the perfect position.


The Nad Kick


Like this is the move that like, my whole self-defense program is based on. Its just a quick kick motion directly to the nads. Heh heh heh. Really fast and hard. Right in the nads, heh heh heh. Just make sure you always try to get into fights with people who have nads.


Play DeadSometimes, if you, like, ignore a problem, it goes away. So like, if you suddenly play dead while somebodys kicking your ass, theyll go away. Sometimes.





The Loogie Hock


Um, even if like, your ass has been kicked already, you can self-defend yourself hours, even um, days later. You just hock a loogie into the person who kicked your asss cup. Heh heh heh. Theres another move thats a lot like this move, but different, known as the Cup a Whiz, heh heh.


The Stomp


If you have to self-defend yourself against like, bugs and stuff, or like one of those flowers thats got pointy things on it, or like a guy whos already down on the ground, you can do the stomp. Heh heh. It really hurts. Heh heh.


Friendship


After youve like self-defended yourself, try to be friends with the person. That way, they wont want to kick your ass again and you can like, get on with your life. Put it all behind you. Heh heh heh heh. Get on. Behind.


A Typical Self-Defense Snario





The Basic StanceButthead Gimme that frog, asswipe. Now. Huh huh.Beavis No way, Bunghole. Playing DeadButthead You wuss. I barely touched you.Huh huh. My frog, now.





The Nad KickButthead Aaaaaaagh!Beavis M heh heh heh heh. Asswipe. The StompBeavis Gimme some a your slushy, you wuss.Heh heh heh. Wuss.Butthead Uh huh huh ow huh ow.





The Cup A WhizBeavis Heh heh heh heh m heh heh.Butthead Uugh. Get over here and help me, asswipe. FriendshipButthead Beavis, as soon as my nadsfeel better Im gonna beat the crap out of you.Beavis Heh heh heh. Drink this-youll feellots better. Heh heh heh.


DE


Dahmer, Jeffrey - Uh, I head he, like, sold arms to the military, or something, huh huh huh ! Some dudes arms, I mean. Oh yeah, and hes like really smart, cause hes got lotsa brains, heh heh. You know, like, other peoples brains ? Huh huh, yeah. And that dude has more guts than anybody else, but he couldnt outrun the cops cause hes got two left feet. And they had trouble taking his fingerprints cause hes all thumbs. And then his lawyer cost him, like, a leg and an arm. Plus a head and two nads, huh huh. Wait, I got one, Butthead ! Now hes, like, pissed cause the cafetaria in jail doesnt serve chicks fingers. Heh heh heh. Thats pretty gross, Beavis. Oh. Oh yeah.


Damme, Van - This guy kicks ass. He knows Karate stuff, and like, how to kill people, and the stuff he doesnt know, like English, makes him even cooler. Cause when movie dudes know English, they just sit around and talk and cry and stuff instead of getting to the business at hand, which is kicking ass. But as long as Van Damme still speaks European, everything should be cool.


Denadulation - This chick cut off this guys thingie, and the guy had to show up and blame her, right on TV. And all through the trial they kept saying penis. When did you cut off his penis? Is that where the penis was found? Is this a photograph of your penis? Now whenever you see that guys picture on TV, like on the news or on Renaldo, it says underneath his picture, Wife cut off his penis. And whenever he goes into a restaurant, people say, Theres that dork whose wife cut off his dork. And when people ask him for an autograph, he writes, Best of luck to Betsy. Signed, the guy whose wife cut off his penis. They should write a book about his life and call it Wheres Woodrow? Huh huh huh huh. That would be cool.


Desert Nam - The first war so cool they put the whole thing on TV. There was, like, this Sodomy Insane dude trying to muscle in on our chick, Kuwait? So we kicked his ass. It was cool, cause every time the army fired a shot that hit, theyd make a music video about it and show it on CNN. Plus the reporter dude was like a werewolf. He rules.


Dick - A wussy dudes name. Its short for Richard. And Beavis.


Dillhole - (See Beavis. Huh huh huh huh)


Dillweed - (Um, look at Butthead)


Dog - How come some asswipes have a big ugly dog at home that doesnt even wear clothes and walks around naked all day exposing its weiner and licking its nads. And they feed it steaks and call it their best friend and say Good doogie, whenever it takes a crap in someone elses yard. But if that same dog was me or Beavis, theyd smack us silly and make us see a counsellor? Next time some buttmunch has a talk with you, just say, Hey, why dont you get Rover some pants and maybe hell stop making a popsicle out of his own butt!


Dolphin - This fish with a hole in its head that likes to eat balloons and stuff. The dolphin likes to eat balloons and stuff, I mean. I dont know what the hole likes to eat. Sometimes tunas get caught in the ntes fishing dudes leave out for dolphins, which really sucks, cause tuna fish tastes pretty gross.


Doppler Effect - The Doppler Effect was named after this dork named Doppler who went aroung naming stuff so people would think he was a scientist. Sometimes when Beavis farts, it makes a little brown stain in his underpants. Im going name that the Butthead Effect, and then Ill, you know, get some.


Douche - A feminine hiding product, or something.


Dumbass - Uh, you should be able to do this one, Beavis, huh huh huh. Um, okay Butthead. Eh, heh heh, a dumbass is defined as, um, you know, a dumbass? Its just, like, someone whose butt is as smart as his brain, or something? You know, like a dumbass. This is hard.


Dudes and Chicks


Theres like two different kinds of people in this world, dudes and chicks, except this one dude we saw at the state fair whos like a dude and a chick, huh huh. Me and Beavis are dudes, so like, we know a lot about like what dudes think about and stuff. Huh huh. Mostly, we think about chicks, so I guess that makes us experts on them, too. Heres some a the stuff we know.


· A dudes brain is like designed for complicated stuff like science. Lie, for counting beers and experimenting on bugs or whatever.


· A chicks brain is built to think about simpler stuff, like me and Beavis. Huh huh. At all times.


· These rock-solid muscular man arms are used for kicking the asses of dudes who look at my woman.


· Chick arms are built for holding me, and like, carrying stuff to me. Nachos and crap.


· Chicks have these thingies that stick out. Its like, they evolutioned after chicks startedwearing bras. It was like, I like my bra, but its all loose ans stuff. I know, Ill grow some thingies! Huh huh.


· This is a dudess package. Huh huh huh huh. Its like where he gets most of his ideas from.


· A dude needs perfect legs for running after chicks and stuff. And like kicking other dudes in the nads, like Beavis, huh huh.


· A chicks legs are sposed to work closely with her arms to help carry my stuff to me. If they wont cooperate, the chick shaves them as punishment.


How To Like Talk To A Chick


Sometimes its hard talking to a chick. Heh heh heh heh heh. But, like with chicks? Its like, they say stuff, and like, you have to think of what to say back, and by then theyre already getting in some dudes car instead of yours just because he, like, has a car. Heres some tips on how to like get a chicks attention and then hold it. Heh heh heh. Hold it.


· First, unzip your pants a little bit. Like halfway. Thats so, like, the chicks youre talking to will start to, uh, unconshusly think about them. Your pants.


· Like, every time youre about to say something, open your mouth really wide and lick your lips, heh heh. Its a chick turn-on.


· When you first meet a chick, say something that like, shows you like really care about them or whatever. Something like, I think I can see your nipple. Heh heh. Thats called a ice breaker.


· Sometimes, like, a joke can break the ice too. Something like, It looked so nice out today Im not wearing pants. Heh heh. Or like, that one about the dude who goes like I cant hear you cause I got a banana in my rear. Heh heh heh.


· When the conversation dies down, change to subject. Go, Uh, do you wanna do it somewhere? That way theres like, no awkward silences and stuff.


· After about a minute or something, when youve said all there is to say, thats when you make your move, You should try to talk to chicks near where thereis a clock so you know when a minutes up. Heh heh. Up.


How To Get A Dudes Attention


Like, a lot of chicks ask me and Beavis for advice about dudes, huh huh. They all want to know how to get a dudes attention. Or at attention, huh huh. I always tell chicks the same three things


· Take off your shirt, huh huh.


· Uh, please take off your shirt.


· Dammit, I said please. Get back here and like, take that thing off. Okay, just unbutton it a little. The top button. Huh huh. OK, bye now.


What A Dude Says And What He Really Means


Says Um, heh heh. Like, hi. Heh heh. Um, lets like, lets go somewhere and um, do it. Heh heh heh. Yeah. Nice thingies.


Thinks TV is cool. Like, they should make glasses that like have two TVs on the inside so you could like put on your glasses and youd just be watching TV. Heh heh. Youd be on your bike watching TV. I wonder what my bike is doing right now. Somebodys probably like, riding it. Heh heh m heh heh. Riding it. Ride! Ride! Ride ! My next bike is gonna be made of nachos. And like, then I can ride and eat and watch TV. Hey, whered that chick go ? She was here just, um, like, 0 minutes ago.


Excuses That, Like Work


Um, excuses are like these things you use to get out of stuff, heh heh. Its like money, except they dont buy nachos, they just buy time. And like, you cnat wait for Stewart before school and take his. Not everyboby uses excuses, but thats cause most people arent like as untelligent as us. Heh heh. Heres some excuses we use to like get out of stuff.


· Um, a dog ate it. Heh heh. Then he puked it back up and like, ate it again. Heh heh. Then, when he puked it up again, he just like, rolled in it, huh huh. It was messed up.


· Uh, huh huh. I couldnt get to work on time cause my nads hurt. Huh huh.


· This fat dude George bet us that like we wouldnt spank our monkeys and then him and his friends were like betting too. Um, this dude Jerry and Elaine, whos a chick, and this other dude named Creamer or something. And so like we werent doing it, huh huh. But like, Creamer did it and then like, huh huh, so did the others, including the chick, whos like, not even sposed to have a monkey, but she did it anyway. Huh huh. And like, thats why we couldnt do the homework cause we were too busy not spanking our monkeys. But then during the commercial, we did. Huh huh.


· Um, we cant like precipitate in the can goods drive cause like, were allergenic to metal, heh heh. Unless its heavy.


· We didnt do the homework cause Beaviss mom had to go get her stomach pumped.


· Um, heh heh, we didnt do the assignment cause we were watching educational TV instead. You know, like a show about those things, um, dinossers, heh heh. They were those purple things with teeth and they like, hung out with the little children and sang songs about numbers and crap. And then they went suxtinct until a little later when Big Bird came on. They said on the show you could get a class credit for watching.


· My pen ran out of ink. Cause like I used up all the ink writing, uh, to those poor kids in central Indiana.


· These dudes jumped us and like made us give them our homework and um then they went to their school and like, claimed it was their homework even though it was ours. I heard they got an A on it. Dont try to find them cause they like in England or like Britain or something.


· I have that thing. Uh, attention defi...uh, defi...Huh huh huh, defecate. Huh huh huh huh huh.


· Uh, were late for work cause like, we were out fishing with the president of Burger World. Uh, he said it was okay since hes the president, and also that you have to like clean the fryer for us. He said he was probly gonna fire you unless you like give us some more vacations. Huh huh.


Foreinurz


French Dudes


French dudes like to say Ooh a lot. Like, Oooh-la-la! Vooley voo take a look at the pooh on my shoe? Heh heh heh.


French dudes get a lot of chicks, cause they know how to French kiss, and stuff. Plus theyve got some, like, magical way of tickling. This would be okay if they just got a lot of French chicks, but sometimes they get American chicks too, which sucks cause then theres less chicks for me and Beavis.


Oh yeah, and French dudes all think that Shari Lewis chick is a genius just cause she, like, taught a goat to talk.


Chinese Dudes


You dont wanna fight chinese dudes cause theyre all like, good at Tai-Dye and stuff, ehich they learned a long time ago from that Marc Polio dude.


Plus theyve had a lot of practice fighting Godzilla.


Another cool thing about Chinese dudes is that they call everyone they meet an Ah-so, huh huh huh.


English Dudes


English dudes are like English, but the weird thing is, they dont talk English.


Yeah, heh heh. Its like, when they say bum theyre not talking about some dudes begging on the street, theyre just talking about his butt.


Huh huh. And they say other weird stuff like, Its time for tea and spank my monkey. Yeah, really. English dudes are way too interested in tea.


Mexican Dudes


Mexican dudes love America almost as much as Americans do. Like, they named their whole country South America cause they love America so much. Maybe they were hoping wed return the favor, and then the most ass-kicking country in the world would be called North Mexico. But instead we just named one state New Mexico. Its like a carnation prize or something.


The only words they have in Mexican are, like, foodsNachos, Tacos, Burritos, Tostadas, Chihuahuas and Chimichangas.


Yeah but, um, some other Mexican food ackshully has English names, like rice, beans, burritos and nachos.


Wait. Wait. Um, oh yeah.


Canadian Dudes


Just keep walking North for about a million miles and youre bound to run into some Canadian dudes. Theyll be the people in the houses made out of ice who spend all their time harpooning whales. Its probly a pretty cool life, but the cold weather must really, you know, shrivel your thingie. Like youd notice with Beavis, huh huh.


Shut up, bunghole. Canadian dudes have, like, a hundred different words for yellow snow.


Dutch Dudes


Not much is known about Dutch dudes, except for this one kid who got his picture on all the paint cans after he put his finger in a dyke.


Heh heh m heh heh. Cans.


The Future


Its important for a good ensucklopedia to have stuff about the future. Uh, because kids in the future can still use this book to cheat off of. So we did that thing. Research, like we watched, that show about the, um, dudes in the space ship and they like fly to different planets or whatever and they get phasered all the time. I think its called Cheers. It sucks. And, uh, in the future, it will still suck. Heres some other stuff.


Lifestyle


Probly the biggest question for any wuss who gives a crap about the future is like, will they find a way to make TV not suck ? And the answer is No, TV will not not suck, and since two wrongs like nutrisize each other, that means TV will still suck. But there will be some cool things. Like youll go, This sucks, change it, and like, the TV will automatically find you some chicks and explosions.


Also food will be different. But like, if they wanted some real progress with food, they should make nachos that come already chewed, or like invent hot dogs that come in the flavors of fruity whips so its like, whoa, a whole meal in a roll, this must be the future.


Therell be a lot of thechnology crap too. When you call somebody up on the phone, for instant, theyll be on this little TV on your phone, so in the future, people will try to call when people are in the shower, or, huh huh, doing it.


Travel


In the past, dudes went slow. They rode on cows or something, which they had to start by saying, Get up. Then they said, This sucks. We gotta go faster! faster! faster! Then that dude Chevy Chase invented the car, But its still not as cool as it could be, cause like, a lot of cars still dont peel out. But in the future, when theyre powered by, like, technology or something, all cars will finally haul ass. So therell be like skid marks and guys running lights all over the place. The future will be cool for its outstanding crackups.


The future also like happens in space. Theyll have these rockets with the power of, like a thousand M-80s, and they go to other planets, like, uh, milky way or snickers or whatever it is. And well like civilize it with Burger Worlds and highways and stuff. But, like, no schools cause we dont want those illegal aliens up there learning how to kick our ass. Then me and Beavis will move to one of those planets to like colony it and not have to go to school. Huh huh huh. Were pretty smart.


But the coolest thing will be that people will have these Jetson things. Theyre like backpacks, only these stuff shoots out the back and you can go up in the air, like a bird, huh huh, and do stuff like birds do, like pinch loafs on people. Its pretty cool, huh huh huh. But like, by then theyll have like a invention or something that like shoots a laser from your head to a birds butt when it craps on you. Huh huh. So pinching loafs on somebodys head wont be as cool then as it is now.


Economics


One of the big things about ecologics in the future will be robots. Robots are these things thatll do the work humans dont want to do, like pick up after you for the hundredth time. The cool thing about robots is, we wont have todeal with a lot of buttmunch customers at Burger World anymore, cause theyll just like send their robots to pick up the food from us. Uh, would you like fries with that, you stupid metal fartknockers ? Huh huh huh huh.


Just like now, some jobs will be cooler that others in the future. Cool jobs will be hovercraft repairman, working on like a video sex phone, and being Ozzy. Most other jobs will still suck.


Chicks


Chicks will be different in the future. Theyll, like, put out. Cause, uh, theyll be smarter, so theyll dig us more. Plus well be like older, and learned whatever it is old dudes learn to like, mesmerize chicks. And even if this part of the future doesnt work out exactly right , we can probly get those dudes who make robots to make us a robot chick to do the work human chicks wont do. Huh huh huh huh. The future is cool.





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