Monday, March 26, 2012

divorce

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Divorce


I never really thought about what my family meant to me until my parents got a divorce. I saw that I no longer had what I call a “true family”. Divorce is a hard thing to have to deal with. Thousands of parents get divorced each year but I do not think that they realize what affect their divorce has on their children. My parents got divorced when I was about nine years old. Their divorce was an incredibly hard thing for me to deal with and I hid my emotions because I never knew how to express them. I never talked about them or anything like that. I kept my feelings bottled up inside not letting anyone come in. Being a child of divorced parents, I’ve experienced moments of sadness, fear, and joy that are unimaginable.


Sadness is one of the harder emotions that I had to deal with. After my parent’s divorce my mom got custody of me, and my dad could just visit. Since my dad lives far away from here I only get to see him once or twice a year. This is extremely difficult for me because of the relationship that my father and I have. We are exceptionally close to each other and not being able to see him all the time is tough for me to deal with. There are times when I miss him a great deal. It’s heartbreaking not to be able to wake up and see my dad every morning. There are times when my mom and I will get into a fight and I no longer have my dad to go run to so he can hold me and tell me that it will be alright. Not having him here I get lonely and I start to cry when I think about him. I wish that my parents were back together. I wish he would walk through the door and I would run up and hug him. As much pain and sadness that I have from this divorce I know that I will always feel this way and I just have to find a way to express it.


Another emotion that I am faced with is fear. Some people might ask why would I be afraid? There is a reason behind this feeling. I have felt a sense of fear since my parents got a divorce. I fear that I will not be able to find “the one”. My parents thought that they were meant for each other but come to find out there were not “the one” for each other. I am scared that the person that I might think is “the one” will not really be “the one” and if I marry them then we would get a divorce just like my parents did. There is also a fear of hurting one of my parents. I am at the age where I can choose who I want to live with but I do not want hurt one of their feelings by choosing one parent over the other. I experience fear everyday when I think about my parent’s divorce but I cannot live everyday for the rest of my life in fear.


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Along with the emotions of sadness and fear comes the feeling of joy. The only way to truly get over a divorce is to look on the bright side. There is a sense of joy when I realize that instead of just having two parents, I now have four parents who love and care for me. I get to have the pleasure and excitement of spending time with two families instead of just one. I have more parents to give me advice and guidance. I get to have more brothers and sisters and there is always someone around to talk to. There is never a dull moment because things are always new and amusing. Since my parent’s divorce things have been crazy but there is so much joy that comes with it.


Divorce is a hard thing to deal with. It has its ups and downs. I am faced with sadness, fear, and joy everyday. Over the years I have learned to try and overcome these emotions that I feel from my parent’s divorce. Everyday is a new day. I just have to learn to look on the bright side and see the best out of this bad situation. Everyone is faced with difficult situations some worse than mine but I believe that God never gives us situations that are too difficult for us to handle. Everything that happens I feel happens for a reason. I know that I will be fine and I will learn to deal with my parent’s divorce and someday fully get over it. In the mean time I am taking one day at a time and one step at a time in getting over the divorce.











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